“I joined college in 2008. I am now a sophomore but still haven’t mastered enough bravado to talk to the girl that I like. Each time she comes into view, I find reasons not to go up to her. And if I do get the balls to, I end up getting nervous and cutting the conversation short.

After a couple of failed attempts, I chose to finish college before actually looking for a girl. So I ignored every girl that came to visit my roommates and now, they avoid me, too. I now feel that was the wrong decision.

Do you have several tips for me on how to relax, keep a conversation going and how to go up to women, please?” – Steven M. from Garden City, NY

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

First of all, you have built this girl up for two years now, so there are good chances that your lack of courage and your fear is just a thing in your head. Say hello and take things from there. And keep in mind that you should do what you’re afraid of first, then deal with your courage.

As for closing the conversation, that’s no biggie. Talk for as long as you feel comfortable doing so and once the comfort levels are high, get her number. If you aren’t comfortable doing that just yet, try talking to a lot of women – even strangers. You will come to find that women are generally friendly and getting this particular girl’s number will start to seem easy.

Yes, that was definitely a horrible decision, but we have all made the same one. (I once attempted to make smores in my microwave – with tin foil. A complete disaster.)

Your question actually has two parts to it. On relaxing, look at several breathing exercises and try meditating. Also, start a daily exercise regimen like a daily jog. The added testosterone and oxygen to your system will work like a miracle for relaxation.

Most importantly, get experience by talking to different women. The more girls you talk to, the easier it will be to relax and the less scary it will be as a whole.

On approaching women, just say hello – nothing fancy. Admittedly, that isn’t the greatest opening in the world, but it will help you talk to women, so it’s definitely much better than nothing. 🙂

“I have come to notice that, when in the game and trying to work out what really works and what doesn’t, I seek for reactions a lot. I mean, the only way I can find out what works is through people’s reactions, after all. So, how can I get better without being reactive-seeking and at the same time look at the reactions of people to find out what works?” – Brandon W. from Anaheim, CA

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I personally believe that being reaction-seeking isn’t as bad as the majority of gurus out there make it sound since, regardless of what you do, you look for reactions whenever you talk to someone – preferably a positive one. Maybe one where she falls for you and you end up happy. 😉 However, there is a particular kind of reaction-seeking that can ruin your chances of succeeding with women and this kind of reaction refers to seeking approval from others. The minute you let people tell you if you are alright or not the way you are, then you’re officially screwed. So, provided you don’t seek approval, judging if people found your joke or story funny is alright. As a matter of fact, this would be needed to get better with the ladies. After all, unless you learn from every girl that you talk to, you won’t get better than you are right now. You might even end up worse off because you will gain bad habits in your deeper subconscious. I appreciate that you wrote by the way. 🙂 It truly makes my day brighter to get questions like yours because they are good. They serve to be the reason why my answer is concise and short since I needed to figure out that question on my own several years back. So, months after wrestling with it, I have concluded that: Provided You Do Not Seek Approval, Looking For Reactions From Other People Isn’t Bad.

“How do you deal with the situation when the friends or brothers or mother of the girl you like is around? It’s easy to do this in a club because there are a lot of people there, but what if the girl is walking down the street with her friends or mother, what then?” – Nathaniel S. from Milton, BE

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Earlier, I already gave a guy advice on how to deal with moms, so I’ll tell you a bit about dealing with family or friends. Basically, everybody needs to like you or respect you, at least, not to interfere whenever you want to be alone with your girl.

The easiest way to get this done would be to talk to everybody. Tell everybody your stories and spend the initial several minutes talking to the whole group as if they were a single person.

After things are cool with her brothers and family, you can begin paying more attention to the girl, in particular. Give yourself several minutes to talk to the entire group and personally pay more attention to her.

Then, ask if you can just borrow her for a while and grab her hand politely to show her something. Remain close to the whole group, though, so they aren’t worried about her being safe but get away far enough to talk in private. Then, escalate things physically and get her phone number as usual.

Provided you are fun and friendly to everybody else, only in rare occasions will the family stop you from taking her away. They love her, after all, and hope for her happiness with a nice guy.

So, prove to them that you are fun, cool and nice and they will like you so much, they won’t mind if you talk to her for a bit. Those are my rules, in general, anyway.

“Last week, I got my very first lay in a club after a cold approach. It was in an empty toilet hidden in a back area. Meet to lay lasted around an hour and my friend did a great job in keeping her friend busy during that time. I’m a bit busy right now, so I can’t write up a complete report (going to Hong Kong soon for a few months to sort out a bunch of stuff).” – Mark S. from Oklahoma City, OK 

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Great work! Sexual tension happens to be very powerful. And a meet to lay that lasts an hour happens to be very, very good. My longest meet to lay was half an hour – maybe even 15 – and Duncan, my trainer, has had sex with a woman only 15 minutes post-meet. However, if you keep on going like this, you are sure to catch up soon. 😉

Thank you for the update and because your email shows others how easy it can be to meet women, most of all with sex as a goal in mind. Sex happens to be very easy to get. All you have to do is turn a girl on, make sure she’s comfortable and give her reasons to be with you – alone. Then, smoothly escalate things on a physical level (just follow the Seducer’s Blueprint) and you will succeed.

“I’m a Biology major graduate student. I work almost every day and a lot of the time, I spend at least 14 hours at the lab. I recently moved 1000 miles away from school and I don’t know anybody in my zip code – which has never happened before. I have never not been surrounded by a very close-knit community of my friends before, basically.

I was pressuring myself far too much when I began to go out because, regardless of how things went during the night, the results would always be disappointing. This is is why I ended up getting some extremely negative thought processes, which are now hard to unlearn. Anyway, I’m beginning to do some networking and am starting to enjoy some great times again.

I’m beginning to see positive female interactions now that I’m more comfortable and relaxed with myself. There’s a problem, though. I only have a great time in this particular zone whenever I’m with my own friends.

So, what can I do to get into the zone after a stressful day where my mind was in the wrong area and nobody is free to go out?” – Steven E. from Duluth, MN

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

You have a great chance here. This happens to be the “fresh start” that millions of guys in You have a great chance here. This happens to be the “fresh start” that millions of guys inAmerica hope for every single day. So put it to good use. Here’s how you can manage all of your time as you dominate this particular start:

1. Since you have a restricted time limit, get what you can out of it.

2. If you sometimes need a pick-me-up in your head, most of all if you’ve had a long day or are doing things alone, both will fortunately lead to one answer: The minute you leave work… Heck, the minute you wake up… Make nice conversations with everybody that you come across. And I mean everybody. Ask that girl at the supermarket counter how her day has been. Listen to her and ask for her to talk some more. Ask people at work how the weekend was. Ask about their kids and their lives. Listen to them answer.

Lastly, ask whichever girl you meet first exactly what you would like to know: “I saw you and noticed your sexy and fierce walk. What’s up? I would love to talk for a while and learn more about you.”

Then, regardless of her reaction, keep talking to every other pretty girl that you see. This will help you gather up some experience very quickly. You’ll master brand new tactics much faster compared to everybody else who is trying to learn them.

You will feel like a winner because of the great vibes that you give by being interested in others – at least! Plus, you will get used to meeting women and talking to them, no matter what mood you’re in – good or bad, alone or with a group, learning new tactics or waiting to get to a toilet.

Stress? How the heck can you feel stress if you’re talking to at least 10 gorgeous women every day? Exactly. There is no way you can. 😉

“I’m extremely flirty with women, but I have a problem: even though I flirt, I still don’t make it anywhere with them. I have no idea what I should say to random pretty girls on the street. Can you provide me with some great openers?” – Terry P. from Jacksonville, NC

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

If you flirt with girls but don’t “get anywhere”, you are probably lacking something: either escalation and physical touch or non-flirty talk. Both of these are important because, without touching her, you will never sleep with her. It’s as simple as that.

So, whenever you flirt with girls and don’t touch them, they will know your flirts are nothing but “empty threats”. They won’t want to spend time on guys who aren’t potential boyfriends, so they move on.

This is why it would be important for you to touch the girls that you talk to. It shows them how serious you are about reaching an intimate stage with them in the long run. Plus, it shows how confident you are in a sexual, true and calm manner.

You also have to do more than flirting. You have to have conversations in which she tells you a bit about herself. Or perhaps tell her stories about your personal vision. Or perhaps get some compliance from her before asking her for a drink.

Either way, you need more than flirting, otherwise – as with what’s mentioned above – she will see through you and move to somebody who can “carry out” his flirts with her instead. Try these out and see whether they will help. 🙂

“I have been with my girlfriend for around four months now. As with every guy, I am starting to lose interest in her and want to find something better. I simply don’t feel the way I felt with her in the beginning, but she still likes me a lot, so I want to learn how I can end things without her getting hurt too much. Do you have any recommendations or suggestions?” – William N. from Rochelle Park, NJ

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Breakups are never easy and are always difficult to do. However, the greatest way to get it done would be this way: respect her, sit her down – in person – and trust tell her what you feel.

Ask whether she knows why any of this is even happening. Ask what she feels for you and how she feels about your entire relationship. Talk to her about it. If you still want to end things at the end, don’t just “dump” her. After all, she spent four months with you and you spent four months with her.

Just tell her you believe the relationship has made it as far as possible and that it will eventually hurt someone if it keeps going on. Also tell her that you would like to be single once again. End things in a friendly manner.

Nobody deserves a dumping. She doesn’t. You don’t. Hopefully, one day in the future, once a girl believes your relationship is falling apart, she will sit you down and give you the exact same kind of courtesy. Either way, you will still feel much better because of it as more time goes by.

“Okay, one thing I have debated is whether to be a little mean or nice to women because I have come to notice that being mean works to a certain degree but not a lot and only on women with lower IQs unless you add some fun into it. I put my teasing skills to use once when a girl was holding my butt and I said, ‘I hope you’re not reaching for my ass!” and laughed. She ended up getting a handful playfully. We had a lot of fun from then on, but another time at a mall, I was chatting with a decent-looking brunette who wasn’t very smart. I tore into her, which made everybody laugh. She said ‘I can’t believe you said that’ while digging it at the same time. So, what do you have to say to all of this? I’m having trouble deciding whether I should be nice, confident and in full control of things, as well as other attractive traits, or whether I should be playful and cocky at the same time.

Oh, I have also learned to avoid doing this too much. However, one thing I like doing is keeping women in suspense. For instance, I had a picture of my girlfriend on my phone and I told her I had changed it today to mess with her head. I texted a ‘Hi, I changed my phone pic’ and waited several minutes before saying ‘to a sexier one’. She asked what the new picture was of and I waited around 20 minutes, just to get another text that said ‘WHAT IS IT?’ I told her it was a certain picture then said I was joking and mentioned another one, only to say I was joking again. Then, to really throw her off-balance, I asked ‘Seriously, though, what background pic do you have?’ It worked awesomely! 🙂 This went on for around an hour since I waited up to 20 minutes before replying to each text. She ended up calling me in the end, screaming, ‘Honey, tell me what the picture is now! WHAT IS IT?’ I ended up telling her, but the entire game was just too fun! LOL 🙂 Do you have any other advice?

I hope I made sense lol 😉 And oh, SeductionOnSteroids is definitely off the charts, by the way.” – Charles T. from Austin, TX

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

There is one reason why I avoid being “mean” or “cocky” with women. It’s because you miss the mark a little bit. Sure, girls love teases. Sure, it turns them on. Sure, it switches on the attraction on an emotionally deep level. However, you miss the fact that girls need to feel protected and safe, too.

This is why you have to be dominant and warm – because they bring together the ideal emotions you need to have when women are around. You have to be dominant. You have to be in charge. Lead. The one who makes the decisions for her and everybody else.

And that’s where cockiness comes into the picture. See, when you are cocky, you say whatever you want to. There are no inhibitions and she thus gets extremely into you. And since you aren’t afraid of teasing her, she gets turned on, too.

However, being cocky means there is no warmth. Being cocky pretty much equates to being mean, as you mentioned. And women have to feel safe and protected before they can feel aroused.

So, try not to be cocky all the time and use your tone and touch to be protective and warm, as well. You will end up seeing an immediate improvement in how women respond to you.

Mixing attraction with cockiness, warmth and protective touches will provide women with anything they could want – ever. I hardly ever recommend somebody to you, so whenever I do, you should know it’s for real.

“Hi, got any advice on asking a girl on a date? I get scared whenever I’m close to asking one out, then another guy ends up beating me to it and I get left all alone.” – Harris C. from Newport, TN 

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

That situation is hard. The only reason other guys can beat you is if your opportunity window closes. And after it closes, you will be shut out for good. So, whenever you get a chance to ask for a date, take it!

Provided your timing is right, your words won’t be as important, but there are several rules to follow:

1. Ask her on a cool date, like “There’s an awesome blues place downtown I think you’d like. We should go sometime.”

2. She will agree and you can say, “Great, I’ll call you.”

3. She will agree and you can say, “Alright, what’s your number?”

This works because the steps are gentle, going from “let’s go out” to “what’s your number”. She won’t get scared this way because you’re moving fast. Make sure mini steps are used. They happen to be crucial.

“I’ll try and keep things simple. To start off, I want to say ‘thanks’ – genuinely – for helping me reach the place I am in now (although I haven’t quite reached the place I hope to be in just yet) and for giving me hope by showing me how possible it is to reach my goals when it comes to women, no matter what society says about apparent limits in life. SeductionOnSteroids has been a huge help with my understanding and desired mindset, and although I can’t really understand it all (otherwise I’d be as great as you, I believe), I definitely feel much more enlightened about how I should think and what I should do.

Just so you know, I’m 20 and was born in the UK though am actually Indian by blood. I’m in the University of East Anglia studying psychology. I personally think that being a bit on the shorter side and of an obvious minority has made things a bit more challenging for me. However, I still look forward to becoming amazing with the ladies, so I can be living proof for everybody else that they can be great, no matter how limiting their personal beliefs might be.

Here are my frustrations and goals. I wish to find out exactly what needs to be done to bring about attraction in every girl that ‘I’ like, yet in a way that respects my identity, my values, and myself at the same time.

I wish to find a certain personal ‘style’, as well as an attractive ‘mindset’ without seeming ingenuine or fake (I don’t want to wear insane clothes to get into the spotlight or become incredibly social every time when I’m actually a bit of an introvert, for example). Right now, I have no idea which personal ‘side’ will bring about the greatest results and I’m always in conflict with myself on how to act in different situations (like pretending not to really like her and show her I’m very cocky). I know every person has a different style, so I how can I find my own? Tons of conflicting information seems to exist out there. I wish to learn the things I need to do (the actions I need to follow, the thoughts I have to think) to get the greatest results with the girls and with people, in a general sense.

I want to meet cool and really great people who can come into my life in a positive manner and teach me different things and who really want to hang out with me and will respect me, most importantly.

I want to meet girls at clubs and bars and during the day in campus without getting a bad reputation at school. I also want to get a social status there so I can get invited to awesome events and parties. I also want girls to ‘run after’ me.

I basically want to be somebody that other people will idolize for being a ‘great guy’ as opposed to a ‘player’. These past several weeks have been a slump for me, Derek, and I have trouble escaping it. Your email truly came at an opportune moment for me. Take care, thank you for reading this, and I hope to meet you sometime.” – Chella P. from London, UK

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Hi, thank you for all your compliments. 🙂 And yes, keep studying SeductionOnSteroids. It isn’t the kind of course that should be taken lightly and only read once. And yes, if you have a deep understanding in your identity’s core, I am sure you’ll be as great with women as I am, though probably much better since I am just a regular-looking dude with a cool job that women shouldn’t even know about..

A short height will always be a disadvantage. The same goes for being part of a minority of any race. I have come to notice that Indians, most of all, get treated roughly by women. However, I do know several short guys – like Pankaj Kumar, who is 5’2″ at most – who dominate when it comes to women. I also have a few Indian friends that are great with girls. So, these hurdles can definitely be overcome with ease. Now here is a short chat on each frustration of yours.

1. I think it’s strange when guys claim to “want to attract different girls without conflicting their beliefs and morals” since having strong beliefs, convictions and morals you won’t break for absolutely anything happens to be incredibly attractive in the eyes of women. It also happens to be a precursor to strong visions, and powerful visions can make gorgeous women incredibly attracted to you.

2. I have actually already given out some good mindset suggestions in the previous email answer. Focus on “Why is she unique” to get good results. You will end up really liking her and, when matched with vision, you will be completely unstoppable.

3. Game both sexes. This might sound a little gay, but it’s true. Talk to more guys to make more friends, most of all guys that are good with women or hope to be. You will learn a lot by hanging out with them and they will even rub off on you, so you can pick up their energy and mindsets, in turn becoming better with the ladies yourself.

The rest of your objectives appear to be linked to being great with women and having good friends who idolize and respect you. These objectives are both great and if you have your head on right, you can reach them with no problems whatsoever.

If you want to escape your slump, though, here is a great trick of mine: imagine yourself already out of your slump. Imagine how you would be acting in such a case and give yourself those feelings now.

The secret here would be to notice the small details in what you visualize, like the feeling of the air on your skin, the sparkle of the girl’s eyes in front of you, and the texture of whatever clothes you’re wearing.

This will really drive your emotions home and make them effective. Do this for half an hour every day for around three weeks. Trust me. You will be out of your slump before long.