“What would be the greatest focus when it comes to walking down the street, so I can talk to women automatically? I have tried the focus on her contribution in my life and I felt very unreactive and solid because of it and a little somber, without any motivation to start up conversations. Does this mean anything? And is there any better focus to hold onto?

I already read through SeductionOnSteroids yesterday, by the way, and got approach invitations today from attractive girls, which has never happened to me before (seriously) after changing to the focus on ‘no one cares or remembers what I do’. Since nothing seemed very important, I got a bit of a natural swagger going and women began to look at me in a different manner.” – Dalton S. from Chandler, AZ

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I am happy to hear you got approach invitations. I honestly think that’s a bit technical, though, and would like to think of the whole thing as basic and easy flirting with one another. It really helps to keep things playful and light as a whole, as they should be.

The greatest focus on meeting girls on the streets would be “I wonder why she’s unique?” since you will start thinking actively. You want to find out more about her and you will most likely approach her to ask questions and find out why she is unique..

The “I wonder what her contribution to my life could be” mindset is simply amazing, but you need to put it to use after you’ve begun talking already because you want to shape her with it and change her into a better person for you to be with.

However, as you said, it isn’t exactly the greatest mindset out there to approach women in an active manner. Try “I wonder why she’s unique” instead. You will love it. 🙂

“My question is one that I believe several guys will relate to. Simply put, what advice can you give to a guy who wants to start fresh? I have personally had some success in my younger high school and college days. I had several girlfriends and occasional friends with benefits, but always knew it was possible to step up my game and take full control of the sex that I got. However, ever since I got introduced to this entire seduction community, I have turned into an information guru who soaks up lots of information, but can’t sort out the good from the bad. This, in turn, has turned me into a failure with the ladies! I am basically confused and I’m pretty sure tons of guys out there are, too, yet I feel that getting girls can’t be this hard. I really believe that there is no need for tons of audio courses and e-books to succeed with women. However, I also feel that people need guidance sometimes, so I suppose my question is (after all that rambling), ‘What would be the greatest way to start things up fresh? What would be the most basic (but not the easiest) way to succeed with women?’ Sorry if this email is long, but I do feel that tons of guys out there are like me and could use straightforward advice. Thank you for your work; it’s much appreciated.” – Jerry L. from Oconto, WI

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

You sure hit that right: getting girls isn’t that hard. It’s just that the possibility of getting rejected by them is scary. Thank you for mentioning “most basic (but not the easiest) way”, by the way. This helps me provide you with the greatest advice.

One thing you have to keep in mind is that it doesn’t matter whether girls reject your words or if they snuff you and leave you hanging. That only means you’ve experienced rejection, but you aren’t a reject. See the difference there?

You might get nervous at the thought of approaching women because you are afraid of failure, but you’re not actually afraid of failure itself. You’re afraid of becoming a failure yourself. And you’re afraid of others knowing that you have failed with women, as well.

The truth is: getting rejected once merely means that you got rejected once – that is all. You are still a great guy and millions of women out there today would still die to go out with you. I do promise you that.

So, what would be the greatest way to start things fresh? Go out and speak to women. Firstly, listen to the SeductionOnSteroids audio program once to get a foundation with them and learn about the basic tactics in the book (this can be done in a single read-through).

Secondly, talk to ten different women every day. Start your conversation with “What time is it?” Soon, you will be saying other things. Go crazy and never hold back. Finally, clean yourself off and do everything again. Re-listen to SeductionOnSteroids to learn what else you can work on when it comes to women. And practice more by talking to more of them.

Soon, you’ll be able to get two, three, four – or even, eight, nine or ten – numbers every day. This means that you can get a lot of first dates – more than you can imagine – and a brand new girl whenever you want to. It is really that easy.

No matter how small your town might be, you simply need to take more time to talk to women before getting their numbers because you’re sure you will get to see them another time. So take a week to get it and you will get in just as easy. See? Basic, yet not “easy”. 🙂

“I read SeductionOnSteroids right after my difficult divorce, which lasted for two years and drained out my self-confidence. It must be clear that my ex-wife was the one who cast me aside and told me to leave. This is why I feel for your experience since this woman was somebody I married and had kids with because I felt like nobody else would want me for who I am. I was pretty stupid back then, yes, and my life concept was ridiculous, too. Well, your advice truly made things clearer for me – things that I never realized until I actually read them on paper. Not long after reading the book, I got together with a great Brazilian woman and I am still with her. She cooks for me, follows my ideas on fun and activities, is up for sex anytime and is always there to support my ambitions and dreams.

Now, I have a question: how can I maintain the momentum in this type of relationship? I know there are a lot of pitfalls in a relationship for a serious man and a lot of ways to get sucked into female agendas or to lose control, so do you have any thoughts or advice on this?” – Joseph W. from New York, NY

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I always answer a guy’s question if he comes to me for advice. However, as you mentioned yourself, I will send them straight to DeadlySeduction.com. Even until now, no better book exists on dating women and creating dominance in a relationship, after all.

As for your question… Heck, first of all, I want to fucking pat you on the back. You have this amazing girl now after breaking free of that crappy relationship. I know that sounds blunt, but re-read that because that truly is an amazing accomplishment!

The majority of men feel like they are trapped and that they are unworthy of women they actually want and are therefore afraid to approach such women. But you actually got someone great who likes you just for being you. So massive props for that.

You’ve got a great question on momentum. A ton of relationships today stall and lose all of their passion, but this passion happens to be 50% of why good relationships stay good. The other half consists of a mixture of variety and dominance, with dominance taking on 45% and variety only the other 5%. So, stay passionate and dominant around her.

The greatest way to spark passion would be by adding some variety to the time that you spend together, so don’t be boring or predictable. For example, do you normally have sex in bed? Try spontaneous quickies on the dining table or in the kitchen for a change.

Or, do you always watch movies at home? Take a hike together instead or have a picnic nearby. If you’re losing that physical spark, plan days where you can’t touch each other until night time. This might sound corny and it is, sure, but it will do wonders for you because your girl will always wonder what else you have up your sleeve.

This is why women like the bad boys – they are unpredictable. And, if you stay dominant throughout your journey, your passionate momentum will never stop – even after your dates end. 🙂

“I want to learn how I can attract strippers and pick them up.” – James S. from Shallotte, NC 

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Picking up strippers happens to be a one-of-a-kind situation, most of all if you want to date a particular kind of stripper. I know someone (who I am going to call MrX) who uses a certain system to meet strippers, which I am going to summarize here:

1. Keep going to the exact same club. Repeatedly.

2. While at the club, learn more about the manager, the DJ, the wait staff and the bartenders.

3. Do not approach any strippers to begin with.

4. After getting to know everybody else, start your game with a girl.

5. Clean off and repeat things with another girl.

Mr X says this system is fantastic and he has used this in clubs with me around. I could see girls eating up all of his words. So, if you wish to go on a date with a stripper, that is what you should do.

There is a dangerous part in dating strippers, though. A lot of the time, a stripper will go out with guys, thinking that she can push them over or game them. She will also want a sugardaddy to pay off her bills so you can sleep with her.

So, make sure that you stay dominant in that kind of relationship. This happens to be all the more important when it comes to strippers or professionals compared to with other girls.

“I’m starting to bag attractive girls nowadays with the help of sexual tension – the majority of which are girls that I have known before – and the exact same thing always happens.

1. I show sexual tension along with a loving vibe and open eyes.

2. I get approached and touched.

3. I return the touches from shoulder to arm and gently yet firmly grab their torso. There’s also always a sort of bubbly energy going on between the two of us..

4. She utters something, like “How are you?” or “Great to see you!”

5. I say hey and reply with a question or sincere compliment about how great she smells, how great her hair is or how nice her tattoo is.

6. They leave with a “See you soon”. ????

What’s going on here? Do I lose attraction because of my compliments or body language? What am I supposed to be doing instead?” – Gary R. from Washington, DC

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Good job at getting the ladies to come up to you. The truth is: that’s an extremely hard part in the entire process of meeting them and the majority of men out there never even learn how to do that.

So, I can say that you’re doing extremely well if they’re approaching you. Plus, they utter the first words to you, which goes to show that they are instantly interested in you.

Now, because I don’t really know what you say, it might be hard to pinpoint where the problem really lies. However, it probably has to do with the manner or the words that you say when giving out your compliments.

Keep in mind that a compliment has to be genuine – something that you say without wanting anything in return. If not, she will realize this and just turn you down in an instant.

I really need more details if you want more help since early on in any interaction, you would need some very, very creepy body language in order to turn a woman off, so I doubt that is what’s going on with you.

“I’m getting out of a nasty four-year marriage right now. We were together for twice that long, in which she cheated around 13 times. I only found out recently that some of my kids might not even be mine. I’m telling you about this because I’ve finally come across the main reason why I put up with all of it. I believed I couldn’t find anybody else that would actually want me. But by seeing how other women look at me, I have come to notice that I am quite attractive. Now my biggest problem is sex. Due to my wife’s continuous infidelity, I have this deep-set belief that I suck in bed. However, the more research I have done on picking up women, the more I have come to find that I am simply a ‘nice guy’ as I have the majority of a nice guy’s traits. Now I know why my wife cheated on me.

I really hope to learn much more because my life with women is affecting the rest of my life. My wish is to get away from my mindset of self-doubt. At the moment, I’m having financial problems, otherwise I would do anything I can to get some of your work. From all that I have seen so far, I believe that your system works. I have done research on other systems but yours simply speaks deep inside of me. Man, I just hate having to do this – I’m not a natural beggar – but I really need some help, bro. I know that with the right mindset, the other factors in my life will follow. I’m just tired of being a slave of low self confidence and fear. I know I have game. I just have to let it out somehow.” – Gilbert B. from South Charleston, OH

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I find it amazing that you found my tactics to be the solution to your ‘nice guy problem’. Think about it. We have never met – you and me. However, because we had a similar problem before, we already share a similar past. And the solutions that I used for my problem can now be used to help you get past your problem in life.

You’re no beggar. You’re not any worse or doing something wrong just because you asked for help. Your situation is crap. Your wife cheated. And you found out that you aren’t even related to two people that you love anymore. That sucks. To be honest, your problem transcends my expertise.

You are really in a rough spot right now and most men won’t even get to experience that. I could teach you how to win her back, but your wife sounds poisonous. A poison that I would hate myself for helping you with.

I think that you want nothing but happiness and to move away from the negative crap in that relationship, most of all in your sexual confidence. Well, here, I will teach you all about the basics.

However, when it comes out of your self-doubting mindset, I honestly think that’s reaching a bit more into your life than meeting women. So, let’s improve that sexual confidence, shall we?

The secret to amazing sexual confidence happens to be knowledge. If you know what you should do, when you should do it and why those things make her feel good, you’ll be confident because you know about the intense pleasure that you are giving her deep down.

Now here is the most vital thing you have to learn about sex: Female Orgasms Begin In Their Minds. This means that your tactics in bed, your size and your stroke only play small parts in whether she will want to sleep with you or not. As a matter of fact, a big part of sex for women would be male dominance and feeling like they can submit themselves to you completely.

So, whenever you carry the sexual innuendo tactics with you into bed, along with dominance, you will be sexually unstoppable when it comes to women. Plus, if you slow things down – perhaps around half a minute or so at every physical escalation stage – she will get incredibly turned on and an orgasm will be turned into a promise instead of a mere possibility. I hope this helps you.

“Derek, before anything else, I want to say that I have average looks and can get quite a few women. However, the problem is that most of those women are online, which leads to my second problem. I know there’s no trouble in getting regular girls of 6s and 7s, but I have trouble getting girls that are 8 and up. I have no idea what the block is there. I talk to them. I take them out. I think I might be scaring them away because I move too fast, but I treat them the same as I do the 6s and 7s. What am I doing wrong and what do I have to do to get better and get the 10s that I really want?” – Dale K. from High Point, NC

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

You seem to see 9s and 10s as separate entities from 6s and 7s and this shows in how you act around them. You need to keep in mind that these number rankings are actually relative, which means that what might be a 9 to another guy might just be a 6 for you. Because of this, you need to treat every woman equally while on a date.

Since you are already on a date, there should be no difference between bringing a 9 or 10 home and a 6 or 7. It just has to do with the way you treat the girl. If you think differently of her, you will end up treating her differently.

So, concentrate on her being a woman and that every woman loves being with a man who is dominant and in charge. Be that dominant man of hers and you will win her over – 6, 8 or 10. To find out more about dominance, check out SeductionOnSteroids.

“I need some help since I seem to be far too analytical sometimes… I honestly have no idea if it’s because I don’t want something to let go or because I want to reach the root of the problem, tear it open and find a solution to fix it every single time – most of all when I talk to my girlfriend. And even though our relationship is good, I’m worried that this could lead to our demise because I bore her with my overthinking.

Another thing is I want to become more fun, open and friendly, but so far, I have only learned to have fun. Yesterday, for example, I talked to some friends at the mall while in my Sunday church clothes (because, yes, I got to church lol 😉 and busted out into small dance moves. We ended up having some fun. Also, several weeks ago, at church, a guy and I started acting as if we were dancing in a club. It was a real blast because we knew we could get into trouble. 🙂 Anyway, do you have advice on opening up and examples on how to be more outgoing and fun in order to reel people in?

See – this will sound incredibly lame, but it makes sense – if I become better (without my girlfriend finding out) at dating and sleeping with other women, my relationship will get stronger because I’ll get to unkink most of my problems like being too logical and overanalyzing things, so I can enjoy myself more and become a more fun person around everyone, in general.

Oh, and lastly… It came to my attention the other day that, by learning from you, it isn’t about tactics, skills, or pickup lines, but unkinking the quirks and using your teachings to become less insecure and more complete as a person. I also learned that it’s alright to fail every once in a while in order to learn more, like going to Walmart and the mall in my suit and tie yesterday. I used to be very uncomfortable doing that outside of church, but walking around in it made me more comfortable and made me see myself differently. It made me realize how much better I look than others and, in turn, made me feel much better. :)” – Paul L. from Montgomery, AL

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Learning about getting better with women is all about unlearning the bad habits more than it is about learning good, new habits. See, whenever you learn to actually let go and enjoy those inhibitions with women, you will be much happier in the end and become more successful with women.

Like your dancing, for instance. Whenever you learn to just let go and enjoy your dancing for the sake of enjoying it, you will end up feeling much better about self-expression through dance – and with other people. Additionally, this free expression happens to be extremely attractive in the eyes of women – because of dominance, naturally! 🙂

So, how can you let go? Easy: concentrate on place and person details around you. Focus on little things as opposed to the whole thing. Also, train your brain to live in the moment as opposed to worrying about things in the past and the future. I know this answer sounds so “new age”, but it’s true. Try it.

“I’m a good guy – a virgin but not a pushover. I’ve given up a lot of chances because I want to wait to get married. I want to know whether there are ways to attract a girl that I can be happy with and let my bad side out when I want. I’m patient. Do you have anything that can help me step my game up without looking like a player? I’m open to all suggestions that might work.” – Michael C. from Marietta, GA

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

The majority of religious men ask this question, whether silently or out loud: how can I find the one for me? Well, to be honest, finding that perfect one is about as hard as finding that one needle in the haystack – if not worse.

There are billions of women on Earth, so searching for that one girl is, quite simply, impossible. But I have a solution here: shaping. It will be far easier to find an almost-perfect girl and shape her personality into that of your perfect girl, after all.

One easy way to get this done would be to give her physical rewards whenever she pleases you. My personal trainer Brian calls this the appreciative touch. Plus, when mixed with verbal compliments, it can be a very powerful kind of shaping.

For example, if you want your woman to be thoughtful and you get a funny video link from your girl, just say: “Aw baby, thank you for the video. You’re so thoughtful.” Then, touch her arm or give her a kiss or a hug.

If you use both verbal shaping and appreciative touch together, you will be completely unstoppable.

“I haven’t really had any problems when it comes to girls. I’d say I’m attractive. I’ve been with girls but haven’t taken things up a level. One time, I really liked a girl and was playful with her. Later, she ended up liking me, but since I never made my move, she moved on. She left several weeks later and we kept in touch through email, but I email her more than she does. She invited me to a trip, but I’m not sure how she feels about me because we haven’t seen each other in a while. She’s not much of a dater, either, and has had only 2 boyfriends. How can I tell whether she likes me and how do I find out for sure? Thanks.” – Christopher H. from Austin, TX

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

You have a common question and sticking point here. So, I’m going to start with what’s common and move to your specific situation afterwards.

Alarms rang in my mind when you mentioned you email her more than she does. This shows that you do the majority of the work in your relationship and that you invest more in it. This, in turn, means that you get the least from it and she gets bored. You wouldn’t want this.

So, you have to use some more intrigue and sexual tension and a ton more of sexual language. Flirt loads. Forget to get in touch for a few days sometimes. Leave open-ended messages that will make her reply to learn more about them. Things like that are sure to even out the field more and make her crazy for you.

As for the main question of her liking you, well, yes, she does. She emails you. She goes out of her way to write messages. She takes time to spend on you.

This doesn’t exactly mean she’s obsessive, but it also doesn’t mean that she’s attracted enough to go out with your or sleep with you. It simply means that she is interested enough to keep communication lines open.

What you need to get is some compliance and you need to boost the sexual tension until you meet up, as well. In fact, you need a bit more sexual tension and more compliance. (Compliance will balance out the power, while sexual tension will ensure that you’re seen as more than a friend.)

Make her look for movie links for you or ask her questions that will require her to really think. But, most of all, make sure you work equally hard at making your relationship work, be it friendship or more. 🙂