“How can I keep things going when in a relationship? How can I make sure we stay great after two weeks? (Also, am I trying to be too perfect here?) With so many obstacles, insecurities, test failure, and some bad luck, things seem to have changed with us.” – Sean B. from North Kingstown, RI

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

To begin with, here is some real world advice: relax. You worry too much. If you worry so much, you’ll think far too much, which will, in turn, make you lose interest in her. Because of this, she will feel like you are no longer into your relationship the way she is and will make her not want to invest as much in it and in your sex life anymore.

To be honest, every sign points to a near-future breakup. So, if you wish to save this relationship, engage her the way you did when you first met. A ton of excitement. A ton of sexual tension. Physical escalation. Great sex. Have passion. Have dominance. Let her see the man she so longed to be with and you will do well.

However, if you constantly push her away, she will leave in no time at all. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t a great boyfriend or that you suck at relationships, though. It simply means that you two have been thinking far too much and you need to act now. Both of you.

Take the lead by taking that first step, so she can see how passionate you are and so she can replicate that passion. In the end, you may get to save what you have, after all. 🙂

“I am honestly not horrible with women, but I do want a relationship. I like this girl called Belle and she likes me, too, but a few weeks ago, a guy dumped her. I didn’t take advantage of her after that. I decided to be her friend. The thing is: she’s got a best friend who’s an orbiter and they’ve been friends since they were in pre-school. So, since he’s permanently stuck as a friend, he hates all the other guys who like Belle by default.

My frustration right now is that she wants to take some time to get to know me better before dating me. So, my question is: what am I supposed to do? Should I give her that upper hand while trying to meet a ton of other women, or should I just completely forget about her and see her as nothing but as a friend?” – Charles D. from Hollywood, FL 

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Become the friend of that guy that hates everybody else. There is no way anyone can hate people that are cool to them. So, if you’re nice, chances are, he’ll be nice in return.

To be honest, that guy is nothing to be worried about, though. If he really hates all of the guys she dates, he’ll end up hating you, no matter what you do. And she’ll factor him out if she dates you. She’ll think “He’s always like this, so whatever.” So… whatever. 🙂

Now to your question. She probably isn’t comfortable with the speed that you’re working at right now. A date might be a huge thing for her. So try to hang out more and physically escalate things whenever you can instead. You will eventually have sex and date.

However, do let the dates evolve organically. This means: do not force things or put labels on things too soon. This will make her more comfortable with you and you will end up getting all the dating benefits without any of the stress or hassle of real dates.

As for your two options, you’re assuming far too much. There is no upper hand nor a need to stay mere friends with her. Read that answer I gave about emotional flexibility to a guy up there. It is sure to help you lots right about now.

“I’ve liked this chick Debbie for a while now. I was dating another girl before (we were even engaged) for more than two years, after which my best friend Benjamin began to date Debbie. They were the other couple during board games night. We also had parties where at one point my ex and I had sex with them in the room and almost led up to a foursome. The whole time I was sleeping with my ex, I saw Debbie’s tits in front of me.

Anyway, these relationships both dissolved and my best friend and my ex ended up having sex while I was still hoping to fix things with my ex-fiancee. My best friend knew what I was trying to do at the time, too. I even told him I would never be okay with him sleeping with her, if it came up, hypothetically. Derek, you can only imagine how stunned and angry I was and, for revenge, I really wanted to fuck his ex – hard.

That’s when I started pursuing it. However, I started to like her more and more the longer I pursued her. We threw several parties together and once, while setting up a party, I started talking to her about sex. She told me she isn’t fond of sex because it doesn’t turn her on and she has only experienced it with one other guy before. I explained that this had something to do with never having an orgasm before.

Anyway, I ended up massaging her back and even convinced her to remove her bra. I couldn’t escalate from there, though. It somehow just did not felt right. I’m thinking it had to do with weak sexual tension and our nine-year age gap and just being scared of already being stuck in the friend zone (I’m pretty sure we’re still in it).

After that, she visited me one time and we ended up talking. Then, I let her know I wanted to date her and she was, naturally put on the spot. She said she was already dating someone, but only because that guy was so persistent.

That’s when I came across SeductionOnSteroids. Now, we talk every now and then and I played her a little through text, but nothing has materialized yet. Plus, she appears to be with another new guy because she got scared when he said he was in prison for something stupid – shooting at somebody else’s house or something. I basically truly care about her but don’t know what to do anymore.” – David M. from San Francisco, CA

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Your “friend” sure is an asshole. I love the story, though, so I kept it all here. 🙂

I am going to tell you what to do now. And, provided you follow all the advice found in SeductionOnSteroids, you won’t have any trouble getting her to jump into bed with you. Let’s go.

Your anxiousness to sleep with her is based on the objective of getting revenge on your friend. Well, this anxiousness is why you’re screwing up. For example, she was “put on the spot” when you said you wanted to date her. You basically forced her into making a decision – a massive no-no. See, whenever somebody gets forced into making a decision, they tend to choose not to change anything. This leads to the same thing over and over.

You definitely got the sexual tension thing going, though. And you should make sure to use a ton of intrigue when texting her. It is also alright to take your time before sleeping with her.

Since she has no sexual experience, sex will be a huge step for her. Because of this, you need to become a good friend to her first. Although you can be friends who do physical stuff like hooking up and making out, you still need to be friends.

Then, take things from there and relax while taking things step by step. Follow the steps in SeductionOnSteroids. Enjoy. Nothing would be better than sweet revenge in the end.

“I’ve been dating a girl for more than a month and we’ve gone on several casual dates and to several parties downtown… We get along very well and laugh a lot together. I quite like her, but I somehow feel that there are several obstacles in the way of us getting physical. Around three weeks ago, I attempted to make my move but she told me she was not ready for physical things just yet – in a nice way, of course. She even stressed the ‘yet’ and said she liked me, so she felt a little bad that she couldn’t give me exactly what I wanted. I was a bit annoyed, but told her it was alright for me to wait. After that, we saw each other a few more times and we had tons of fun every time – without sex or any other physical contact, for that matter, aside from the good night hug. Recently, she told me over IM that she was confused about her feelings but that she had too much on her mind to verbalize it. Now, I am attracted to this girl and am very anxious to get her int he sack.” – Wesley D. from Polk City, FL

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

There are several things you need to do here: be less available, use a bit of jealousy and, most importantly, you need to take that control back! You sure gave her the controls here, huh?

If she keeps dictating the speed at which you will get physical with her, she will keep having the power in the relationship. Basically, she will get to call all the shots.

Since you’re the man, you have to be the dominant one and make the decisions. This doesn’t in any way mean you should pin her to the bed and force her into sex – that would be disgusting and, not to mention, a crime. However, you should escalate things with her physically all the time.

If she actually says no, that’s alright. It’s also alright if she wants you to stop. However, allowing her to state that she doesn’t want anything physical yet and becoming passive afterwards will make her lose interest in you.

Girls like it when men take the lead, so you can say “okay”, but still try to escalate things physically. This, in turn, will turn them on and make them like you more. Plus, it will turn that “yet” into an “alright, I’m ready” in no time.

As backwards as it seems, the more physical things get now, the better it will be in the long run. Take charge. Be a leader. And damn it, touch her already. This whole game is a physical one, after all.

“Derek, I have definitely improved with the ladies compared to a year ago, but I still can’t get laid every single time, you know? Something always seems to get in the way. So, how can I change things from one point to another from being somewhere public to being somewhere private?

I currently live at home with my mom, so I can’t ask girls to come over. I don’t see real reasons to get a hotel room, either. The situation for that is never ideal. Cars don’t really seem to be suitable, either, most of all if we drive two different cars. Anyway, it’s a little hard to escalate things in one overall.

It would be great if you could give a separate answer on how to escalate things in cars.” – Peter B. from Schaumburg, IL

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

The more confident, the more comfortable and the more dominant you get around people, brand new doors will open in your life – and not just in meeting women. However, provided you want sex, it would be easier to help the majority of men through a dating advice package first with life advice coming in second. 😉

As for your question, getting girls in itself is easy. Just get her to trust you. After that, you will have no more trouble moving from one point to another. Besides, before you earn her trust, it will be practically impossible to do that anyway.

So, concentrate on touching her in a protective manner so that she feels safe with you. Talk about trusting and calm subjects, too, like both of your lives and current situations. Try not to talk about sex too much or about you liking her.

Try to escalate things physically instead and always be protective around her. That way, you won’t have any trouble moving her from one room to the next.

Tell her friends that you’ll be borrowing her for a while so that your friends can meet her and promise to return her as soon as possible. Or say something like, “Hey, I want to show you something. Come with me.” Then bring her to another place and show her something -that isn’t your penis, of course – preferably a person acting funny or who is dressed up. Be creative.

Now, for having separate cars and sleeping in yours, ask her to meet you somewhere in her car. She can then drop it off and you can drive someplace else to save on gas or to ensure that she doesn’t lose her way.

Just make sure you have good reasons on why she should leave her car somewhere and you’ll be alright. Escalate things as usual and you’ll have a convenient and nice place to seal the deal. 🙂

“I’m taken right now but don’t see myself as being great with women. My relationship right now is good but if we break up, I think I’d have problems meeting other women.

Here’s my story. I’m 24 and socially awkward with other people – always have been. I haven’t been social – ever. It’s a natural thing with me. For several years, I’ve been hoping to break out of that to no success. When I found the community, I thought I had my answer. Now, after researching some material, I found out I have approach anxiety. Whenever I want to approach somebody,

I feel like I wouldn’t know the words to say. I feel like this fear is stopping me from reaching my goals. These goals include things like getting good with women and more. It’s like I’m scared of experiencing life because I suck at interacting with people.” – Stephen K. from Rosston, AR 

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

You are thinking well. Very proactive. The majority of taken men out there don’t realize that they need to strengthen their skills up until the end of their honeymoons. By then, it’s already too late. So, congratulations for realizing you need to sharpen your skills.

Now, to eliminate your approach anxiety, you need to look at your focus. Focus on how scary women are or never knowing what words to say to them makes you anxious at the thought of approaching women. Instead, focus on becoming curious about them. Focus on what women can offer you.

See, once you have a positive, curious and sexual focus, your body will, in turn, feel positive, curious and sexual, too. If you keep having a shit focus, your body will feel like shit, too. So change your focus.

“Hi, I have a serious problem getting over a girl. I want her back, but don’t know how to go about it. What tips do you have to get an ex to go out with you again? Or is it hopeless? Should I move on and never look back? Honestly, I like this girl a lot and we only broke up because we hardly talk anymore and because she stopped making an effort. Is it hopeless to chase this situation?” – Refugio T. from Helena, MT

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Although I can teach you the ways of winning an ex back, are you sure you want her? I mean, you gave me some good reasons on why you broke up in the first place. No effort and a lack of communication are real death sentences for any relationship. So why go back to that? Why not move on?

I promise that you’ll find another girl who is sweet and beautiful and great in bed and a better fit for you overall. Someone you can relate to and talk to and who will work harder for your relationship. I’d say: move on.

And this is what you have to do to win her back, too. (Since she will have to get in touch with you first in order for it to become effective.) Besides, you need to move on for yourself and your sanity, as well. Think out it. Really. And email me if you decide to go out with her again. That’s when I’ll help.