“I went to a bar the other night and met a girl. I saw her from the moment she came in, but she had another guy with her. She randomly approached my table where I was sitting with some colleagues and went ‘Wow, this is awkward.’ I asked what she meant and she told me that she came with a friend without knowing that her ex and his new girl would be there. I asked whether she wanted to join us and when she did, we started talking. I even came up with a great line: ‘It will only be awkward if you make it awkward and there’s no reason to do that. It was clearly his loss. If they really gave a shit, they would be here by now instead of allowing you to sit and talk with me.’ I felt confident, relaxed, cool and calm.
I occasionally tried to touch her leg to develop attraction and comfort. She didn’t seem too bothered, but she also didn’t reciprocate the touches, either. After around 10 minutes, I still thought things were alright and was thinking about asking for her number.That’s when some of her friends walked in and she decided to go say hey. The guy she came with approached them, too, and he talked to her for bait. They appeared to be quite close, so I had no idea what to do from there. After that, they sat down with the friends who came in and they left before I had the chance to get her phone number.
That’s when my confidence fell and the voice inside of me told me that she liked her ‘friend’ more and thus ended up forgetting about me. That was long; sorry about that, but I did want to give you enough information about my situation. Here are my questions:
1. Because I lost the chance to get her phone number, would I look pathetic if I sent her a Facebook message to find out whether she would go on a date with me sometime? What other approach can I take to show interest yet still show confidence and not look desperate?
2. It’s Sunday now but I met her on Thursday. Is my opportunity window already closed? Should I simply learn from this and get a move on?
I always have problems closing with girls. Maybe I’m not confident enough yet when it comes to my game.Maybe that’s why I’m always several steps behind and react a bit too slow. I think I have tons of potential and I know I can do it. It’s just that I still struggle too much in meeting and closing with the kind of women I actually like. I don’t have too many problems starting up conversations, but I struggle in closing with them and approaching mixed or big sets.
Maybe I simply have no idea what to do or how to show higher value to girls that I like. I would appreciate any advice that you have and appreciate that you took the time to read this. I’m sure you get an influx in your inbox from thousands of emails every day and you can’t read and respond to all of them, but any tips or insight that you have would really be appreciated.” – Stephen S. from Helenvale, QLD
Derek Rake’s Answer:-
First of all, what is this showing higher value crap? You do read the Rake Letter, don’t you? Have I ever given out a green light that tells you to wait for signs from her prior to making your move? That just reeks of utter low dominance and confidence and absolutely no sexual tension.
This is why I don’t like the bullshit models that the majority of pickup artists out there teach: they’re far too passive! You keep waiting and waiting until everything is “safe”.
The truth is: doing anything when it isn’t safe – even if it’s wrong – will make women want you. As you said, there are certain opportunity windows with women. Once they pass you by, they will be gone for life.
Sadly, these are normally in conversation areas that aren’t safe, either. They are how women screen men from boys. So, do you want to be a man or not? Then allow yourself to make a huge mistake with women – provided that window doesn’t pass by while you wait for the girl to touch you or any other crap like that. Alright, I’m done getting you down. On to the advice that will boost your spirits once again. π
If you looked for her on Facebook, you’ll be in a bit more trouble compared to if she gave you her Facebook name. Actively looking for her will bring you down a level, but you can still recover from it.
Firstly, no. It is never too late to contact her, so you are 100% okay to get in touch. Just make sure you keep things light and playful.
If you ask her out right away, you will look like you are moving far too fast. What you want to do is exchange emails with her first, so you can build trust, not attraction. Learn more about her. Open up your personality to her. Once things are going well for a while, that would be your window to ask for her number.
From there, talk for a bit, exchange several texts and push to see her in person. Jumping from a Facebook message to a date will be too fast. Take baby steps and you’ll be alright. π