“I’m 18, so can you tell me where I can meet women my age? I want to find 18 or 20-year-olds who don’t hang out in clubs during the weekend.” – Stephen S. from La Mesa, CA

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Here is an entire list of awesome places to meet girls of the same age as you: 18+ clubs, grocery stores, bookstores (Barnes and Nobles, in particular), coffee shops, any store (surprisingly, Apple stores always have a lot of cute and single girls roaming around), malls, and house and college parties. To be honest, anywhere you can see a lot of people gathering together is a good place.

I suggest for you to become friends with a group of males that go out tons, so you can find out which place is ‘hot’ to visit every week, or get on the list of a club promoter, so you can find out where good parties are held every week. This will pay off as more time goes by.

Overall, take a look around every day. If you live in a tiny town, you are sure to bump into a handful of women each time you leave your house. Take full advantage of this and talk to every single one of them. 🙂

“I went to a bar the other night and met a girl. I saw her from the moment she came in, but she had another guy with her. She randomly approached my table where I was sitting with some colleagues and went ‘Wow, this is awkward.’ I asked what she meant and she told me that she came with a friend without knowing that her ex and his new girl would be there. I asked whether she wanted to join us and when she did, we started talking. I even came up with a great line: ‘It will only be awkward if you make it awkward and there’s no reason to do that. It was clearly his loss. If they really gave a shit, they would be here by now instead of allowing you to sit and talk with me.’ I felt confident, relaxed, cool and calm.

I occasionally tried to touch her leg to develop attraction and comfort. She didn’t seem too bothered, but she also didn’t reciprocate the touches, either. After around 10 minutes, I still thought things were alright and was thinking about asking for her number.That’s when some of her friends walked in and she decided to go say hey. The guy she came with approached them, too, and he talked to her for bait. They appeared to be quite close, so I had no idea what to do from there. After that, they sat down with the friends who came in and they left before I had the chance to get her phone number.

That’s when my confidence fell and the voice inside of me told me that she liked her ‘friend’ more and thus ended up forgetting about me. That was long; sorry about that, but I did want to give you enough information about my situation. Here are my questions:

1. Because I lost the chance to get her phone number, would I look pathetic if I sent her a Facebook message to find out whether she would go on a date with me sometime? What other approach can I take to show interest yet still show confidence and not look desperate?

2. It’s Sunday now but I met her on Thursday. Is my opportunity window already closed? Should I simply learn from this and get a move on?

I always have problems closing with girls. Maybe I’m not confident enough yet when it comes to my game.Maybe that’s why I’m always several steps behind and react a bit too slow. I think I have tons of potential and I know I can do it. It’s just that I still struggle too much in meeting and closing with the kind of women I actually like. I don’t have too many problems starting up conversations, but I struggle in closing with them and approaching mixed or big sets.

Maybe I simply have no idea what to do or how to show higher value to girls that I like. I would appreciate any advice that you have and appreciate that you took the time to read this. I’m sure you get an influx in your inbox from thousands of emails every day and you can’t read and respond to all of them, but any tips or insight that you have would really be appreciated.” – Stephen S. from Helenvale, QLD

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

First of all, what is this showing higher value crap? You do read the Rake Letter, don’t you? Have I ever given out a green light that tells you to wait for signs from her prior to making your move? That just reeks of utter low dominance and confidence and absolutely no sexual tension.

This is why I don’t like the bullshit models that the majority of pickup artists out there teach: they’re far too passive! You keep waiting and waiting until everything is “safe”.

The truth is: doing anything when it isn’t safe – even if it’s wrong – will make women want you. As you said, there are certain opportunity windows with women. Once they pass you by, they will be gone for life.

Sadly, these are normally in conversation areas that aren’t safe, either. They are how women screen men from boys. So, do you want to be a man or not? Then allow yourself to make a huge mistake with women – provided that window doesn’t pass by while you wait for the girl to touch you or any other crap like that. Alright, I’m done getting you down. On to the advice that will boost your spirits once again. 🙂

If you looked for her on Facebook, you’ll be in a bit more trouble compared to if she gave you her Facebook name. Actively looking for her will bring you down a level, but you can still recover from it.

Firstly, no. It is never too late to contact her, so you are 100% okay to get in touch. Just make sure you keep things light and playful.

If you ask her out right away, you will look like you are moving far too fast. What you want to do is exchange emails with her first, so you can build trust, not attraction. Learn more about her. Open up your personality to her. Once things are going well for a while, that would be your window to ask for her number.

From there, talk for a bit, exchange several texts and push to see her in person. Jumping from a Facebook message to a date will be too fast. Take baby steps and you’ll be alright. 🙂

“How can I get a girl to respond to my emails? When we talk over the phone, she pretends like nothing happens.” – Gordon J. from Glendale, CA

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

If you’re already talking over the phone, why are you worrying about the emails? Women tend to like different things. While some women prefer texts, others prefer voice mails and still others prefer emails.

Figure out what your woman tends to respond to better and stick with it. This will pay off more as more time goes by. 🙂

“I have noticed something clever about this woman I hooked up with once. I visited her once and she’s the kind of woman who doesn’t really talk about how she feels (she says what she likes, but not what she feels) and if you ask her anything, she won’t talk about how she feels, either. Then I came to notice something. I have no idea what made her say this, but she mentioned that she had three people inside of her (she talked like they weren’t exactly her). This sounds psychotic, but I swear this girl is great at mind games (she’s a psychology student) and has a ton of male friends. She said one was spontaneous, the other was relaxed and the last loved challenges. I knew this was crap because she asked me which one I wasn’t and which one I was. She was indirectly trying to tell me which one she was. Is this how I should convey my own feelings?” – Levi S. from Florence, AL

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

This girl is great with guys because her emotions are flexible. Basically, whoever can react with more emotional flexibility within situations becomes more dominant. So, being proactive with feelings, as opposed to reactive, will always make you dominant.

You mentioned she had three different emotional sides to herself. So, whenever she had a situation in front of her, she had the ability to look through those three sides until she found the greatest way to fix the problem.

Since she had no attachments to any particular result, why she could go with anything and work to solve her problems instead of concentrating on the actual problem itself. This is what you need to develop within yourself.

Whenever something bad happens or any situation that requires emotions comes up, step back a bit. Think that everything will be cool, no matter what happens and think about the different ways to look at the problem to get better solutions.

Remember: being angry or mad, or unemotional or bored will not always bring about the greatest results. You have to look at problems through various world views and focuses before coming up with the greatest solution.

If you are emotionally flexible, you will be able to do that. Meditation can help tons here, as well as experience and practice. Try all of them combined. 🙂

“Derek, my problem is that I always feel like I need female acceptance before getting comfortable around a girl. This means putting my heart out there, telling her how much I like her, opening up about my past and my absolute lack of experience with women. Of course, this paves the way to a good friendship, but never to a relationship. (I want to change ships – badly!)

Another problem I have would be my high standards. It may seem stupid because I’m not exactly hot (apparently, I’m Steve Buscemi’s lookalike) or rich. Still, the majority of women out there don’t really turn me on. They have to be aggressive or hot, look like sluts and ooze with pheromones. Some regular-looking or overweight girls have thrown themselves at me, but my libido simply doesn’t get going with them.

Of course, the majority of hotties out there bag better-looking guys than me who are confident and experienced. A decade ago, I briefly bagged some hotties (this was in NYC where anyone can get some) but came home to go to college without any luck whatsoever. I’m a decade older than everybody else on campus and have even been turned down my town ‘bicycles’.

Lastly, I have no idea what to say to women. I’m not a misogynist or a snob or anything, but the majority of them sound so uncultured. They all sound like they belong to a subculture and if you aren’t part of it, you need to leave. They’re only interested in what interests them. How can I get through those adult cliques?

Thank you for reading this Derek. I think your emails are really cool and they boost my spirits every day. I swear I’ll buy a book of yours once I get some money.” – Jerome S. from Koonda, VIC

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I edited out the beginning of your email since it mentioned some sensitive things regarding your past. I’m sure you don’t want to share that much, right?

As for more information and books, just grab a copy of SonicSeduction: it’s very cheap, but no rush there. Now down to the nitty-gritty of things: the answer to that first question of yours can be found earlier on in this email.

Basically, you have to “share” until you find a woman at the same emotional level as you or deeper. If you end up breaking down too early, you will reveal too much of yourself too soon. This scares the majority of women – and men – away.

Overall, you can fix this by meeting more women. However, for the first several big relationships, you have to play things by ear.

As for question number two, it seems that you have a messed up world view. You think women like men because of money and looks. Naturally, these things are important, but they don’t attract women. Looks and money show women how dominant you are and how much social power you have. And dominance is what attracts a woman – not his biceps, face or wallet.

So, concentrate on becoming more dominant around women, so you can get the best quality of women out there that you can. This will boost both your dominance and self-confidence at the same time, giving you license to meet hotter women. This cycle is great once you start rolling around it.

So, begin by focusing on sexual tension and dominance around women as opposed to trying to bag her through your funds and looks. With time, those things won’t mean a thing, provided you are dominant enough.

As for the final question, perhaps you are going to the wrong places to meet women. If you want to talk about Amartya Sen, you shouldn’t visit a strip club, so why go to a club if you’re looking for god conversation? Try meeting some women at bookstores or libraries instead. They will be more intelligent and well-read over there, trust me. Coffee shops are great places, too.

As a matter of fact, try meeting women when the sun is out instead of the moon. Different kinds of women tend to show up depending on where you go to meet one. So cast a wide net and concentrate on places that you think are great to meet the kind of woman that you want. 🙂

This change in your mindset in itself can boost your overall sex and dating life like no other.

“I met this girl online recently (I basically created an online account because I wanted to meet more women). We have been talking online for a week or so now, but I don’t know how to game her. What should I do or say to set up an actual date?” – Mike W. from Vancouver, BC

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

First, you need to get her number. Instant messages are easy to avoid and she will always know when you’re online – which sucks.

In today’s day and age, I have come to notice that girls actually prefer meeting in person right away or emailing first. This is probably because a lot of girls get hounded by too many phone calls.

Because of this, she will be more inclined to meet up for the first time right away. If things go well, she will give you her number – no worries.

Another tip would be to get her information as soon as you can. On dating websites, hot girls tend to get overwhelmed because of the amount of messages that they get – and so quickly. So, if you get off that website sooner, you will get less competition for her overall attention – bonus for you. Hope this helps. 🙂

“A lot of the time, I see attractive women with members of their family, such as their mother. I want to go up to them, but how can I approach this particular situation? And how do I deal if I get rejected in a bad way? Cheers and great stuff!” – William H. from Hardisty, AB

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I love talking to girls when their moms are there. The secret here is to get the mom to like you and ask her whether she would mind if you talked to her daughter for several minutes. Here is one line that I love to use: “Is this your mother?” “Yes.” “You have great genes.”

This will make it sound like you find the daughter attractive because the mom is attractive, too. It works wonders because if you hit on her mom more, she will get flattered more and will, in turn, be more inclined to let you speak to her daughter.

I just met this girl who keeps talking about her 45-year-old mom’s perky boobs. This makes me want to see her boobs because of her great genes. The dynamic is weird, but it really works. Trust me.

To summarize: approach her normally and talk to the both of them. Flatter and compliment the mom so that she gets to like you. Ask to talk to the daughter for a bit. That’s it. 🙂

“I just want some advice on some things. I met this great lady whom I have a strictly sexual relationship with – friends with benefits, if you will. However, being friends is the worst wrench through it all.

She is hot but has huge problems because of how past lovers have treated her – one of them, in particular. My question is: how can I let her know that I don’t really want to be ‘friends’ – I’d much rather reap the benefits – without her seeing me as a prick?

Another thing is: she has no trouble with me sleeping with her colleagues. She even said she doesn’t mind and would tell all of them that I give great sex. Is this a trap or can I try it out?” – Robert T. from Dunnville, ON

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Why do you not want to be friends with her? Just because you’re friends doesn’t mean she can walk on you while you act like a wuss. Besides, how can you expect the “benefits” to be great if you’re not even friends? Know what I mean?

I think you at least have to be friends with someone you have sex with. Really. If all you want is sex and that’s it, that’s your problem, but you really should talk to her about it or things could go bad and problems might come up in the future because of it.

Now to your final question: yes, women don’t mind talking about how great men are in bed. (I mention this in far more detail in the brand new program I am concocting. Will mention this more within the next few months.) So just enjoy your gold mine. 🙂

“I read your last issue of The Rake Letter and have to say that I was thinking about frustration, too, mainly because you offer up so much information that my mind is swamped and I lose track and get left behind.

I really love your stuff, but I try to eat everything up the minute I get the material, so I really want you to make a sequence available from your material – what to do first, what to do next, etc. I just feel like I’m jumping around without a foundation to work on. I hope you understand this and perhaps have something ready that you can show me – maybe a description or list of your material, so I can get the game going.

The women out there are really missing out without me and I don’t want to deprive them of this particular love machine much longer.” – Timothy L. from Manteo, NC

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Well, I sure don’t want to keep the ladies waiting. So, here is the exact sequence I would suggest you use if you have never used my tips before:

1. Read the newsletters. Print some out and encircle parts you want to try. Literally. Because if you don’t make a commitment now, you will probably…

2. Try something different with the ladies – every single day. Say something new. Touch her differently. And this is where these free newsletters will truly shine. See, every time I teach a lot of new things with each email, you will never feel the need to get creative before coming up with brand new tactics for yourself. Simply borrow mine. After all, I promise they work. 🙂

3. Download SeductionOnSteroids. This is the best course out there on how to meet women. End of story. A lot of men say the exact same thing, so even if you take some time to go on Google, you will find a lot of men bragging about this course. Although you might not be aware of this, I get around four emails every day that tell me how SeductionOnSteroids really changed their life. So I wouldn’t recommend this unless I knew it was great at getting better with the ladies. Nothing will even come close.

4. Speak to ten new women every day. This is easy. Start by asking what the time is. And keep doing this with every new woman. By the end of it, you will want to ask more things and talk about other things, too. So do that. Use everything I have taught so far and bam! You’ll meet ten new women every day. This means that you will get a ton of new dates and numbers, too.

Sure, you will screw up several times in the beginning, but who cares? You’ll learn from those mistakes and get invaluable experiences out of them – priceless things. So just dust it off and stand up again. 🙂

Just go on from there and do everything over again. Read the Rake Letter. Try new tactics. Look at other programs that would fit your sticking points at the moment. And keep talking to more women every day. It will become a lifestyle from there – a habit and a hobby. And you will turn into a guy who simply knows more about women overall. It’s a great change and, provided you follow these steps, you will succeed.

“I have been involved with this girl for around four or five months now. We met at a party and I thought she was attractive. I saw her again at another party where we held hands although her boyfriend was nearby – nothing more.

When I got back home – those attraction feelings still inside me – I began to read up on material about seduction. I never actually told her about my feelings, but I did want to spend more time with her. Since she lives overseas, I found an upcoming show that I wanted to attend, flew over there, stayed at her house while her boyfriend was away and made out (didn’t have sex). When I got back, I felt even more and the feelings were deeper. One night, we confessed our feelings to each other – that we missed one another a ton and might be falling for each other. The next morning, I felt empty.

Several weeks later, she came to visit. She cried buckets when it was time to go back home and I cried a bit, too. Was relieved, but got very hooked. A few weeks later, I surprised her again and we stayed in hotels because her boyfriend was back. I flew back and the few months after that were like hell. I was depressed and needy and very confused.

I decided to fly back to figure out what was going on with us and I could tell from the very first night that she still felt something for me. As far as I can tell, her boyfriend situation is the problem. When I flew back, I was a little relieved that I got some closure. The next morning, I got some messages from her stating how much she missed me – that it hurt.

A week later, I call and make a few jokes before bringing the subject up. ‘So this is why you decided to call’? she asked. Then my insides said ‘Hold on, I’m done with this’. So I sent her a message that said there were too many ‘I don’t know’s’ between us and that I was sick of it. We texted each other a lot after that and she said sorry for being so complicated and asked what I would do if she broke up with her boyfriend. Kept it very cool.

Several days later, she texts ‘This is going to sound dumb but I really miss you’. I let her know that she was on my mind, too. After the weekend, I got two messages ‘I had no idea I liked you this much’ and ‘I have trouble not thinking about you and missing you’. Texted to let her know I was thinking and dreaming about her.

She’s a nice girl – hot and intelligent, too. I have no idea if she’s my ‘soulmate’ and if I’ll be living with her forever, but I can tell you she’s really special. I try not to get my hopes up. I try to forget the excitement and tension, the release and relief of confessions, but I need some buildup. Sometimes, I feel bad that I might be hurting her emotionally my withdrawing from her because the whole thing wears me out.

However, I think the answer lies in there somewhere. I can guiltlessly sleep with various other women and wonder whether she’s sleeping with other dudes. Then I come to realize that she didn’t need to ask to get back together with that boyfriend of hers.

I’m thinking: is it really true that we’ve got to be funny, cocky, and emotionally controlling to keep a relationship? Can the excitement actually be sustained all throughout? Does balance ever strike? True love might sound corny, but it sure sounds appealing to me. Love comes with risks. Neediness stems from someplace, so seduction is a guideline to becoming a better person.

It’s so difficult, though. Sacrificing former beliefs and thoughts for brand new things we aren’t really sure of. It has made me a more confident, stronger and better person in that I never really had anything like what I have with this girl. From an early stage, I knew it was real, but didn’t want to take risks, so I read some material. The minute I allowed my real self to enter the picture, things changed. Sometimes, it’s a real hassle to stay closed up, but I’m happy that I stayed that way. It would have been less satisfying staying in control. I had to tell her and see how she felt. I’m still figuring things out, though. Is real love just a fantasy? Is our only option to push and pull a boring and dull relationship, where excitement comes from dating other people? Does full and complete trust actually exist? Does comfort exist when excitement is in the cards, too?

Anyway, thanks for all of this. Again, I’d rather stay anonymous, but do feel free to answer my questions if you want.” – Anonymous from Portage, WI

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

You have a huge question and a very long story, but I have felt exactly like this before and I have wondered the same things. So I’m pretty sure several dozen men will find your thoughts useful. Let’s look at those real questions now:

“Why are my feelings for her stronger than hers for me?” and “Can love exist if you are meeting and dating a ton of other women?” Here are the answers, one by one:

Firstly, your feelings are stronger because you have invested so much more of your time than she invested on you. This is known as compliance. And since you were always listening to her whenever she needed someone to listen and since you flew over to see her, you have fallen deep into her circle of compliance.

Secondly, love plays a massive part in meeting women. It just needs to be earned. A ton of guys get this feeling inside – the general “love” for women. This usually happens because they don’t have a lot of it in their lives.

So, whenever you find girls who are interested in you and seem perfect, you will feel this feeling come up and call it love. Love is an honest feeling and, truthfully, you aren’t far off. Your only problem is that the other women that you see don’t compare, which makes her appear to be better than anybody else. This makes it easy for you to love her and like her a lot.

The solution to this would be to meet other women and keep your perspectives sharp. Only let those honest feelings out once you actually find yourself in a relationship, rather than before being in one. Too much at once will only scare the girl off. Plus, you might say things that you’ll regret later on and you won’t be able to take them back.

So, sure, there is a place for real and honest sharing of feelings with women, but it’ll only come much later – probably a few months after the two of you start dating exclusively.

It may sound like too much now, but trust me, after you start dating several girls, you will come to see that relationships pan out that way naturally. You always have to date several girls at once before deciding which one to be exclusive with.

There are a million benefits to this and not a single drawback. Whether you end up cheating during your “exclusive” relationship or whether you end up pushing for an open one or even whether you end up choosing to truly stay with that one girl, it will your personal choice, so you can decide that yourself. 🙂

However, unless you date several women in the beginning, dating a single girl for a long time will drain out your feelings.