“I’ve been having trouble closing lately. The faster things go, the easier it gets to bond and start an attraction, but I also have to close differently than before. Here’s some context: I was out on a date the other night with a hot chick that I really like. Here’s how the setup went: after only half an hour after meeting, we almost kissed but I told her I wasn’t into monogamy and exclusive girlfriends. A few months later, she moved close to my place and sent me Dutch MySpace messages to show me she liked me. So, the other night, we were on a date but she brought this cock-blocking ‘male puppy’ friend with her. What.Da.Fark.

I didn’t know what to say, so I proceeded to have a great time. Our sexual tension was fine but never got to a close because that guy was hanging out there the whole time. I tried to isolate her several times, but that didn’t work. He clearly likes her, but they’re not involved because she sees him as nothing but a friend – the way she seems to position every male.

I won’t have any trouble starting another date, but I want the right tone to come out this time. What I really want to say – but can’t – is: Surprising me with your boring friend is no way to spend a first date with me. Let’s meet up for a home-cooked meal with just you and me. WTF indeed.

Naturally, I will need to say it differently. Help? Thank you for all the work so far. It has been a huge help.” – Donald L. from Corona, CA

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Straight to your question, I honestly just want you to relax! 🙂 Don’t make a huge deal out of this. Here’s why:

1. She only brought the friend because she actually likes you and doesn’t trust herself to be with you alone. This is good. There is no need for you to worry.

2. Be friends with the guy instead of enemies. If you become this guy’s friend, you can ask her out to a movie afterwards and when she agrees, you can face the guy and say, “Hey dude, it was great meeting you. We’re going to catch a movie now, but you can call me to chill anytime.” By doing this, you will look like a nice guy. Plus, you will have a new friend and the girl in your arms. Win-win.

“I truly appreciate your tips on dating – The Rake Letter is truly excellent reading. The tips really help in putting the girls at ease. Fortunately, I am lucky enough to know how to talk to strangers, most of all women, and how to get their numbers. My problem is that I have a friend – one who I have been friends with for more than 15 years now – who is a total cock-block. I was recently having a great talk with a beautiful, blonde, tall, hot girl. I got her phone number already and she already agreed to a date when my friend came over in a mean and negative way, telling her humiliating anecdotes about me. This mean behavior of his attracted her somehow and they’re dating now, though she sometimes calls me up to hang out. This isn’t the first time this has happened, either. As of late, whenever we are out together, he is mean to me whenever there are women present and it has really started to bug me. I always put him in a great light and I hate this pattern that I have come to notice. What can I do?” – Benjamin G. from Milwaukee, WI

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

That is definitely the effect I want to get from my dating advice – to help you show off your true natural self. After all, in a nutshell: it works.

To be honest, your friend appears to be a backstabbing asshole. Sorry if that’s harsh, but that’s the truth. You only have two options now, in my opinion:

1. Talk to him about it. Directly ask him what you just asked me and wait for his answer. He might just be jealous because you’re so successful with the ladies.

2. If this doesn’t bring about any results, leave him – or, at least, don’t bring him with you when you want to meet women. It sucks having to turn your back on an old friend, but if he acts that way with you, who needs enemies, right? With women, anyway. He might just act up when you’re out ‘hunting’, but he might still be a great bud anywhere else.

Hope this helped!

“Hi Derek! First of all, I want to say that I am a huge fan of The Rake Letter and I truly appreciate all of them. However, I have this huge problem. I currently reside in Japan and because I am Asian, I feel that the game works differently over here. I think girls here simply aren’t social enough to allow strangers to come up to them just to talk. Also, I’m only 18 years old, so I can’t go to Japanese clubs just yet. Lastly, does this game work in various languages?” – Gary W. from Hopkins, MN

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I have never visited Japan before, but I have visited Thailand, Indonesia and China, in which my students and I have succeeded tremendously.

You simply have to keep in mind that humans have had sex long before language even appeared. As a matter of fact, hundreds of years back, humans mated on non-verbal communication and dominance alone.

Therefore, it can be concluded that dominance, sexual tension and intrigue will all work on any country’s women and any language.

“I work at an internet shop and meet a ton of girls. I have only had sex once using your tactic, though, and I have been gaming this girl for months now. Wow, you must think I’m a bore. 🙁 But, seriously, I need some help. I’m quite the playboy. I can get girls with no problem, but whenever sex comes up, I have no idea how to get in there. Please help me Derek.” – Randall M. from Vandergrift, PA

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I don’t think you’re a bore at all. 🙂 You were able to get a girl with these tactics, so I am happy and fascinated for you – even proud, kind of like a big brother or a parent lol.

If you have no trouble talking to and approaching women, then you are very close to the finish line. You just need to put more sexual tension to use to arouse her.

“So, how come she didn’t give me her phone number? I’m guessing she has a boyfriend or didn’t want to give it to me because she was at work. I’ve had that happen to me before when I tried to pick up a girl who was catering. She said I should catch her after work. I couldn’t really stay for that long, though, because I was about to leave. So should I wait until she texts me later in the week? What if she loses my number? And what if I go back to say Hey the following week – won’t that make me look like a stalker? Won’t that scare her off and make me look needy – just because she didn’t get in touch yet? Should I wait and think she’s taken since I might bug her if I try to pursue her more?” – Christopher H. from San Francisco, CA

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

If she didn’t give you her phone number, then she probably wasn’t very attracted to you. What you need is more sexual tension and more dominance. Right now, though, let us concentrate on that situation of yours first and the questions that will eventually lead to the same answer.

Be playfully persistent. If you choose to go see her again, be playful when you do. And when she gives you her number, do the same. Send her likable texts and she is sure to remember you. Don’t compose any needy ones, either, or try to get things from her. Simply stay in touch every few weeks and she will eventually tell you to back off or agree to go out with you.

As a matter of fact, I am now seeing a girl that I texted for nine months before actually going out with. So, provided you stay persistent, playful and dominant, your chances of getting her are high.

Also keep in mind to touch her whenever you see each other!!

“Hi Derek. I haven’t checked my email for several weeks and I have a question for you. As of late, I have transcended my personal approach anxiety. I’m 31, after all, so I figured it was time to. However, I now have a huge problem: how can I transcend my shark vibe or neediness? I have come to notice that whenever I approach someone I am interested in, she instantly talks to someone else. It’s usually always the same. Every time I’m with a friend and approach a woman, she wants to talk to him instead of to me. I think this may have something to do with my neediness or because he’s funnier in conversation. Please, if this is an interesting problem, answer this email in your next pack. I humbly think that a lot of people are going through the same thing, while others might not even realize there’s an unconscious problem there.” – Duane G. from Greenbelt, MD

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

She might be talking to your friend because of his sense of humor, but she might also be talking to him because you are too needy. You won’t know until you ask. But if you ask, you could lose her. So, instead, concentrate on these two things:

1. Be dominant. I have mentioned this tons above, so read this entire answer. And if you are dominant enough…

2. Here is how you can get rid of that neediness. First and foremost, let’s talk about what neediness actually is. Neediness occurs whenever a woman can tell that you want something out of her. This kind of desperation reeks from salesmen who want to sell you things during the day. In a nutshell, it makes people uncomfortable and is off-putting, in general. So, how can you eliminate it? It’s easy:

Stop concentrating on getting her into bed. Instead, concentrate on ways in which to contribute to her, as well, as how you can help with her sexual feelings. Simply reframe several things inside your head:

You have to realize how much women actually love sex. As a matter of fact, a female orgasm is more satisfying for women than a whole lifetime of sex is for men. So, whenever you have sex, she isn’t presenting you with a gift. It doesn’t cost anything to her because she enjoys it. Tons.

Keep in mind that sex is merely a rare moment wherein two people meet up and both leave much happier than as they were on their own.

You also have to keep in mind that whether you have sex with her tonight doesn’t matter since, the moment you click, you can get her number and take her out on a date. Eventually, you will have sex.

Also keep in mind that there are many other fish in the sea. So, if you get blown off, who gives a crap? Go meet someone else you can get along with better.

Remember all of these things whenever you go out and you will get rid of that neediness in no time. 🙂

“Hey, my relationship has some new developments that require me to ask something. Basically, I learned that my girl has had a bad sexual past and she said that I was being too pushy and demanding by trying to escalate things. I don’t know why she waited to tell me about this. (Btw, she’s a virgin.) My question is: what can I do now that I know about this past of hers? I feel that if I try to escalate things, I will push her over her comfort zone far too fast. So, should I let her take the lead instead???” – James S. from Coeur D Alene, ID

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Her virginity and her past both offer up several problems. Fortunately, the solution to both of them are the same:

Just take your time. This isn’t a race, most of all because she’s still a virgin. If and when you choose to have sex, you will be her very first, which will form a great bond between the two of you.

So, her troubled past included, the regular rules of “getting her into bed fast” do not apply here at all.

Sadly, this is quite common with women. As a matter of fact, it can be quite scary to know the amount of women who have been sexual abused in the past.

To get past this, concentrate on nothing but protection and comfort. Make sure you touch her, sure, but touch her in a protective manner so that she feels comfortable with you instead of trying to build a lot of sexual tension. She needs to trust you more than anything.

Having this trust will make you extremely attractive in her eyes and even arouse her. Plus, you’ll end up feeling much better about the situation once you do end up having sex.

“Hi Derek, I have some questions for you. Are sexual presence and sexual tension the same thing? If so, should I only put sexual tension to use when I am alone with a girl or can I use it several minutes after actually meeting her, as well?” – Thomas G. from Six Mile, SC

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

They are different. Sexual presence refers to the vibe or energy that you have when in the presence of women. This primarily comes from your focus and lets women know how sexual you are, so they don’t see you as a mere friend.

Sexual tension, on the other hand, refers to the electricity that exists between the two of you. To build sexual tension, you have to use sexual language, innuendo, touch and tons of intrigue.

Sexual tension also needs to be used a lot before having sex with a woman. Why?

A. This will make you very attractive in her eyes.

B. The sex will be much better since she will be dying to get rid of that tension between you.

Tactics of sexual tension tend to be quite risque, so email filters aren’t fond of them. However, you can look at this step-by-step Attraction Roadmap inside SeductionOnSteroids.

“First of all, I have full custody of my two daughters, so I attend to them all the time. Plus, because of the crap economy today, I still live with my parents. Because of these two factors, I have had a mental block. So, whenever I talk to a girl I want to have sex with and I realize I can’t bring her home, I instantly get embarrassed. Is there some way I can turn things around?

I don’t actually wanna ‘use’ my parents or kids, but I at least want to turn things to my advantage when I talk to women. Another question: since I have kids, I don’t get to go out a lot and do things for myself, so where else can I meet women, then? I guess I know an answer to that – daycare! – but is there any other way?” – Thomas Y. from Phoenix, OR

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Naturally, your little daughters should always come first. And you should never exploit them in order to get some. However, being a dad in itself can bring you lots of great opportunities.

For example, if you tell a girl you have two little daughters, she will instantly see you as a protective, experienced, caring and mature guy. Plus, two daughters will make them extra adorable.

Now, when it comes to the economy and living with your parents, just don’t mention it. Let her know that you are with your parents so you have help taking care of your daughters while you follow your dream. This will make you look attractive because you are concentrating on overall success instead of concentrating on current setbacks.

So, where can you meet great women? The list never ends, really. There are coffee stores and book stores; stores, in general; malls; clubs and bars; libraries; parks; school and work – but be very careful in workplaces. Why, you can even get game from girls that walk past you during the day.

All you have to remember is to be straightforward at all times and talk to girls like they are human beings as opposed to mere sexual objects.

“I have no intentions of picking up men. I am just hoping my subject title stands out so you can give me some advice for my situation. My question is: I have a problem with being confident and dominant when it comes to work, so can you help me make a change here?” – Brendan J. from Sperry, OK

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I honestly think that you are completely misinterpreting each situation. I think you’re a real fighter, and you have told me before that your confidence revolves solely on how great you are at work. This is why you need to keep these two things in mind:

1. There is no need to be more dominant or confident compared to other men in the vicinity – at least, not all the time. If you are a real fighter around other confident fighters all day every day, then that’s the only confidence you will need.

Never forget how one-of-a-kind you are – that you have personal strengths and talents, as well as weaknesses and flaws. So, simply because there are other dominant and confident men out there doesn’t mean that they are more so than you.

Sure, when meeting women, the most dominant man there will win lots of points. However, constantly comparing yourself to them will instantly place you on a level below them.

Accept the fact that other men are confident and simply be as confident as you can be.

2. This is where I believe you have misdiagnosed yourself. Simply because you make mistakes doesn’t necessarily men that you are a mistake, too. Although this might not make sense to everybody else, you need to keep reading that sentence over and over.

Simply because you screwed something up doesn’t mean that you are a complete screw up.. So, never let these screw ups have anything to do with how you perform in the future.

Good luck, and do email me again with details on how things worked out. Besides, I don’t always get emails from fighters. That’s really just far too cool.