“I have been reading issues of The Rake Letter and find your ideas simply amazing!! It sounds like you have a lot of stories, tactics and tips on how to approach women and get them interested and such.

Well, I’m quite unlucky when it comes to women and have been for quite some time. I don’t even remember my last serious relationship and that truly bothers me. I don’t want a serious relationship right now or anything, though I do sometimes because of loneliness, like in the email you sent. That’s how I feel every now and then. I feel lonely, that nobody is around to listen, and though somebody will listen sometimes, I don’t trust that person enough to talk about my feelings the way I want to.

My most recent problem involves things going sour with a chick. We had two dates that weren’t really dates. I wanted to see if things could escalate, but instead, things went really bad. Me being so insecure sometimes made her not want to go out with me or even hang out with me anymore.

What should I do next? I don’t think I’ll ever go out with her again. We simply fight far too much.” – Lewis D. from Haverhill, MA

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

If you heard half of my stories, you would never believe them! I promise you that. Just last week, I threw a girl out of my house, had one ask me if I could be her sugardaddy and had her pay for dinner, etc. 🙂

Let’s focus on your questions for now, though, so you can gather up some stories for yourself:

I advise you to step back for several weeks. Around two or three. See, if she saw your tad bit of insecurity (which is alright; everybody has it), then contacting her straight away will make you look needy. She needs time to breathe. Then, by the time you contact her in a couple of weeks, she will remember the best parts of your conversations rather than the bad parts, giving you a fresh start.

For now, though, concentrate on getting more self-confident first. Talk to several more women to get comfortable around the opposite sex. Even just walking up to a girl for the time helps. After taking a couple of those baby steps, you will instantly be able to talk girls up more.

It’s great and you’ll get to fill your dating life with women, so all of your insecurities will get buried forever. 🙂 If you want a more permanent and faster solution for those insecurities, though, take a look at How To Seduce Out Of Your League. The information inside it helped me improve my self-confidence back when I was a beginner in the female department. The same will happen for you.

“Derek, what do you think of online dating websites such as eHarmony.com?” – Marcos K. from Palmerton, PA

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Personally, I love them. I actually meet the majority of my women (around 90% of them) offline, but dating websites are still great – eHarmony.com and plentyoffish.com, in particular. You should definitely check out plentyoffish.com since it is free; you can always find much hotter women on websites that are free. (Women enter to check things out instead of shelling money out for dating, which is apparently the man’s job.)

I suggest having dating websites only as a small part of your diet in meeting women. Yes, you should meet some women over the Internet, but you should meet them during the daytime, too.

You should talk to women that work at restaurants, bars and stores that you frequent, as well, and meet them at bars and clubs at night. You can even flirt with girls in your workplace a bit, if you want.

By doing this, you will fill up your whole life with lots of women and develop your skills naturally by getting more experience overall. This will make it much easier to meet women in any place of your choice in the long run.

Just keep in mind that if you keep going to one place to meet women, you will end up relying on that place far too much. It doesn’t matter who you are, really.

Besides, when you actually meet hot women, you’ll probably have no idea what to say because there are no edited messages to rely on. So get some practice at meeting women anywhere, starting from today. 🙂

“1. I could talk about this a lot, but I’ll try to summarize it – I meet someone who continually shows interest in me. I sort of avoid reciprocating anything (staying as friends as I do with everybody else). She keeps showing stronger interest, and then, the minute I reciprocate this interest, she back-pedals wildly and the entire interaction simply breaks down from there.

2. Secondly, I have something to ask about relationships with women I work with. I am a waiter at a restaurant and have been for years now while I’m in school and my ultimate maxim is never to date women there. Well, that’s great, but honestly, I have never really worked with anybody I liked in a sexual way until now. There’s this woman who just started working at my restaurant several months back, though, and she is hot. I have also learned that she is fairly smart and a great person, in general – much more mature than her age. She is tough yet nice and has clearly shown interest by flirting with me. I have slowly been reciprocating this.

How can I ask her out and escalate the whole situation smoothly? Naturally, it will be hard to fight my personal expectations and attitudes that tell me ‘if I show any interest, she’ll start giving me the cold shoulder’.” – Alex T. from Rio, IL

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Whenever you show a lot of interest in a girl who doesn’t show as much of it to you, she will get scared away. However – if you play too much hard-to-get, only to come around afterwards, she will get bored since the chase (and the excitement) will be over. Both of these can be dealt with by adding more sexual tension and intrigue to the mix.

I will definitely talk about both of that in a more detailed manner here, so read on. As for question number two, you have to stick with it. If you swore never to date girls at work, don’t do it. Sticking to your rule will make you look more attractive because you end up developing some kind of sexual energy that women find irresistible.

Now, if you decide to try things out anyway, use my advice above on how to escalate things smoothly.

As for how to ask her out, just suggest some drinks after work. Or anything else that is just as safe.

Keep in mind that girls at work pose one huge problem, though: you will see her the next day, whether you have sex with her or end up blowing things up. And she will let everybody know that you tried to get with her but failed, if that is the case.

So, aside from your regular ways of keeping low pressure dates, you have to make sure this particular date is even more low on pressure. Just some friendly drinks and some sundaes for dessert and a cool movie at your place. Then maybe some cuddling and touching and escalation and sex. 🙂

Basically, you need to give her reasons to go to your house so she has an excuse to give to her friends without looking slutty. It has to appear like it all “just happened”. This will pay off with the girl later on.

“Hi Derek, here are my goals, questions and frustrations: my voice is kind of soft and quiet, so whenever I go to clubs, I have a hard time approaching women.” – Pedro P. from Antelope Ridge, NM

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

My friend Ricky went through the same thing. Although his voice isn’t exactly soft, it’s extremely deep and the loud music from the club speakers tends to drown it out. Because of this, he is forced to improve his body language by touching women more. See, when you touch women the right way, your words will become less important as a whole.

As a matter of fact, you can have light, substance-less conversations with a pretty girl and still take her home – provided you touch her properly and isolate her when you should.

Focus on the hands and arms first, then on the legs and waist. You should concentrate on the neck and face last. Also, make it a point not to touch her at higher levels before she gets very comfortable around your previous levels first. And keep things smooth. You have to isolate her from others, as well.

After you two start chatting well, steer her away from the friends she came with and say, “Hey, I have some friends who would adore you. Want to meet them?” or “Come here. I want you to see something.”

Since it is hard to hear your voice in clubs, this would be the perfect way to stand closer to her as you talk. 🙂 Use this to your full advantage.

“Hey Derek, I want to know how I can stay motivated in picking up women every day because I have come to realize that I do well when motivated – I kiss and get phone numbers, etc. However, I do want to keep up my motivation as much as I can.” – James B. from Huntington, NY

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Motivation is always internal, so what you really need is a change in focus. Here’s a very helpful and cool idea for you: write down every great way a woman can help you in life. List things like buying gifts and sex, so that you stay relaxed when she shows affection. Keep reading this list by the day – once in the morning and once at night. Doing this will:

1. Charge you up to meet more women since you will know what every new girl can offer you once she is in your life.

2. You will have a much easier time with vision and shaping since you’ll already know what you wish to shape in a girl and what she can offer to your overall vision.

With this exercise, you can definitely improve your motivation and help you succeed with women. A win-win situation. 🙂

“I live in another country right now and I don’t speak the language here fluently. The thing is: not everyone here speaks English. I want to pick girls up, but I can’t always find girls who can speak the same language as me. What can I do? I’m getting desperate and can’t wait to leave this place but I don’t want to let go of the other benefits I have here. How can I pick up girls in this kind of situations, whether in a club or during the day?” – Sheldon C. from Lakeside Park, KY

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

To be honest, you just need to use some body language. Touch, especially the protective kind, is vital here; sexual tension and voice tone all the more so.

Pick girls up the way you would any other girl with the same language but stick to basic conversations. This is so the both of you can understand what is happening and can let the physical stuff escalate more smoothly. She will leave with you after that – no worries.

You simply have to quit thinking about words having a massive effect on all women. It is entirely possible to go out with a girl without speaking, as long as you understand each other once in a while. 🙂

“I’ve actually been reading your stuff for quite some time now and they truly make a ton of sense to me. So, firstly, I want to thank you for all of it. I’m Damon, 24 years old. I’m not hideous or overweight, but I have come to find that I lack something in the game overall. I tend to say or think wrong things and I have been hurt pretty badly by women who play mind games. Here’s an example. I have joined several dating websites over the last four years, all of which promised to deliver. I actually went so far as to do research, so my profile doesn’t have anything wrong with it.

Anyway, I truly believe that the women on these dating websites just look at the amount of emails or requests that they get, so they can brag about it before deleting all of it. That’s why I decided to give up dating websites to meet women through friends instead. I don’t have kids, either, but I find it hard to find attractive women without one. I don’t want a pre-made family, no matter how much the kids are helping their parents out. I mean, why bother? The majority of single mothers today have been so hurt that they won’t even be willing to give guys a chance anymore. So there’s not point. They just think you’re guilty from the off. I work with this hot girl and I try to stay simple so she won’t get scared because we work together, but I do hope she sees me as a friend for a while, so we can keep exchanging small talk. I just lost complete confidence in myself and have no idea how to get things back to normal. I will appreciate any advice you have. Thank you, Derek.” – Albert P. from Calgary, AB

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

Hi, online dating really is hard. There are tons of things to it that normal game just doesn’t have to deal with. So, my piece of advice is this:

1. Stay offline for now and improve your skills with actual women for a while. Get some real live experience, so to speak. This is sure to improve your confidence overall.

2. Quit beating yourself up about it. People make mistakes. But just because these mistakes are made doesn’t necessarily mean that you are one. So just relax, breathe and enjoy the whole ride. 🙂

“Hey Derek! I’ve been reading your stuff for at least a year now… I read The Rake Letter religiously and I even have your audio courses. Now I believe I’m quite awesome when it comes to women. I have no trouble attracting girls, but I do have one problem: I can’t conclude with uber hot chicks. I only get to attract girls I don’t really want and only pique curiosity out of the hot ones. I don’t have trouble approaching them or anything, but I do want to conclude with ones I actually want instead of the ones I don’t really want!” – James P. from Prince George, BC

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

The fact that these girls are getting intrigued means that you’re going down the right road. The thing is: pretty girls are going to approach guys, but hot women will never be attracted from the start.

To get top quality women, you have to have a top calibrated game level. This doesn’t mean you’re hopeless, though – not at all! You simply need to practice some more with these extremely hot women. For example, whenever you see a girl you like, ensure that you approach her. End of story.

You have to gain experience from girls that you truly like before you can see what really works with them. More importantly, you have to learn about compliance and vision in order to attract uber hot women. Gaining experience with such women happens to be priceless, so don’t let that chance go. 🙂

“I love your stuff and always read everything that you send, so thank you for that. Because of work and family problems, though, I haven’t been on a date or had a relationship in years (that’s no exaggeration!). Now that things have sort of let up a bit, I want to get back to the game somehow. Back in the day, I was pretty skilled, but I’m no longer as good now. I have above average looks, a great job, and no baggage whatsoever. But I am turning 40 in a week and now I think I might never get a girl again! I know that’s extreme, but failure makes the brain think of weird things. After all, I live near a college full of girls, but I still suffer – which is why my past failures are still affecting me. When I talk to girls, my mind goes, ‘Rob, you’ve sucked for years. How in the world will you win this one over?’ So, how can I circumvent my inside voices to bring about some type of success?” – Todd M. from Montreal, QC

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I think you can actually benefit from an answer I already gave earlier. So, let me just summarize it again: the only thing preventing you from succeeding is your personal self-image. You keep telling yourself you’ll fail, which is why you do.

“I have reached states of too much friendliness and want to avoid these by staying solid and sleeping with women as soon as possible.

I got hold of SeductionOnSteroids several months ago and found it great. My whole being has evolved and matured since then. This change took longer than expected, with me slowly reading signs and understanding tactics by the day.

This level is quite frustrating as I can see what I can do through the success of trainers like you. I guess it’s good that I started out this young and won’t have to go through years of trial and error. However, is the quickest way to get better really achieved by going out and approaching women a lot without thinking about the what if’s and the missed opportunities? It might be because of I’m not knowledgeable enough, but I have this feeling that I’m stuck between quantity and quality at the moment, which brings about my whole improvement at stalling. Thank you.” – David M. from Surrey, BC

Derek Rake’s Answer:-

I‘m happy to hear you’re progressing. 🙂

You should know that you will keep changing for months now – and even years – because this kind of training will tend to force permanent changes in your focus. This is also why you need to keep approaching women – to build up your overall set of skills. Here’s a little secret you should know:

The difference between the quantity and quality of women happens to be huge. This is why:

When you date one particular woman, you will tell yourself that no other woman will be able to beat her – ever. This is a rare yet deadly mindset.

Conversely, if you date several women at once, you will be able to see the disadvantages, advantages, flaws and success of every one of them. This means that you will get a much more well-rounded sexual experience out of dating several women as opposed to just one.

Also, by nature, going out with several women at once will open doors to seeing even hotter women as time goes by since you won’t appear to be needy anymore. The situation is definitely a win-win one as you can talk to a lot of women each time.